


Here At Spirits And Such We Love Bits

by Deerman3



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018), モブサイコ100 | Mob Psycho 100
Genre: Comedy, Crossover, Gen, anime only safe, mbmbam freeform, mild cartoon violence, nintendo direct freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 09:45:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17937449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deerman3/pseuds/Deerman3
Summary: Spider-Ham needs an exorcism so Spirits and Such Consultations makes a house call.





	1. Exorcism

**Author's Note:**

> you guys ever think "they look like leggos in the second season OP" make that super hero leggos mob crossover happen . but do it with batman...

"So, yeah, I'm getting this, like, hallow clunk sound from my attic?" Spider-Ham walked the psychics down his hallway. "You guys ever have that? Anyways, I think it could be one of my counter-weights. I mean my stuff's not hallow, okay?" Ham laughed.  


They came from the mud-room to a dark, cave-like parlor with various anvils, sandbags, weights, and pianos dangling high up from ropes, running up to the shadowy ceiling and along a spin-pullee and back down to a different weight or counter weight. Beams of stage lights crossed over the ropes and empty spots on the floor.  


"Wow, whatever this is, it's impressive." Reigen said.  


"I'll be back in a sec you guys, I got some frickin' hot Dr. Pepper for ya."  


Mob followed Reigen around as they walked egg shells to avoid touching any of the counter weights. Reigen said, "This could be it. Anything, Mob?"  


"It's weird, it's like an ebb and flow." Mob said, walking dumbly over an X on the floor that had been marked off with painters tape.  


"For some people, it can be like that. It's hard to tell, but all psychics can feel it somehow." Reigen said.  


"It's usually much less erratic. Maybe it's weak."  


"Could be! One day if you get closer to my skill level, you'll hardly be phased by anything."  


"You always are very cool."  


"Yeah." Reigen stopped by the grand piano, which looked like it had fallen down the stairs to hell, and had a stack of music textbooks on it. Mob stopped near-by, senses ringing, and zoned out trying to figure out what was wrong with him today. Was he getting senile as he neared his last year of middle-school? WAS the piano haunted? Was it trying to talk to him? Invade his mind. Proximity alone was ruled out, because it was picking up all over the room at random.  


"Yes master." He said, when Reigen prompted him after saying a couple sentences.  


Reigen started messing with the piano. "Let's see. Oh, oh, it's tuned. For all its looking like crap it's tuned.” And he started playing something, and the piano swung imperceptively back and forth.  


"Here we go, folks." Peter said, with a silver platter with three mugs of dark liquid on it. "It is hot."  


Reigen took one and blew on it. Mob took one, and waited for Reigen to try it first.  


"You play so wonderfully. Don't let my rival hear you." Ham said.  


"Oh yeah, your detective guy." Reigen said. "Or whatever he's getting up to, I always get him mixed up with Ryan Gosling. You know. Ryan Whoever."  


Ham was just delighted. "Gosling, I get it, like a duck. That's crazy, you even know the secret stuff."  


"Your detective..." Reigen said, a genius. "I mean the real one. Not really that tall of a person?" Reigen said, indicating that he thought Noir was very tall.  


"What? Oh, yeah dude, it's those boots. Chunky, clunky heels."  


"And, no bitter drinks." Reigen said.  


"Yeah, everything's egg creams and champagne. How'd you know that?"  


"I just do. Sounds like a real piece of work."  


"Oh yeah. All these crazy ideas about stuff, real stubborn. Hey can I ask you a personal question? Like, a psychic question."  


"A full reading is a little extra."  


"Well, how much?"  


"Since you're getting the exorcism already, it's only 1500." Reigen said, and then said very very quietly, "Per palm."  


"Woah, fifteen hundred, are you joking me?"  


Reigen pulled on his tie. "Yes, 1500 yen... Oh wait how many fingers do you have? Oh, sorry, sometimes American cartoon hands are hard to read, but now that I'm looking at yours, I can knock it down for you,"  


Ham exclaimed. "Oh yeah yen!! That's 150 dollars huh? That's getting closer, but still too much, sorry. Say, how much am I paying for the exorcism?"  


Reigen was seeing gold and green. "So with the four-finger discount, it'll be 75 dollars. 45 for each palm. (And I will need both.)"  


"I like that one a little better, chief." Ham said. "I... No wait a second. I do have some dignity in this world, I want to pay the regular price!"  


Reigen was like, aw, 1500 yen feels like a huge loss now, but he kept cool.  


"150. Pick some other tactic to get me in the door, I'm just like everybody else. I wouldn't charge you extra cab fare for all the face journeys you keep going on." Ham said. "Speaking of, drink up fellas." He tossed his hot cola back.  


Reigen had a sip.  


Not only had the carbonation stayed put, but it still was pretty hot, and Reigen spilled some and stumbled back into the piano. The books were bucked off. "Wuh-oh." Ham said, jumping up towards the ceiling.  


The piano hit Reigen on its way flying upwards.  


Mob was overcome by the coming-and-going feeling, and raised his hand.  


An anvil stopped dead in the air above Mob's head, encased in a blue light. Above the X he was standing on. He hovered the books back onto the piano, and the anvil rose on its own while the piano sunk back to eye-level. Also Ham was on the rope and he sunk too.  


"Ahhhhh-hahaha," Ham sighed, wilting off the rope onto the ground with the toll of a cow-bell. "You guys almost gave me a heart-attack." He got up. "You two are really psychics huh? Was that a bit?”  


Reigen stuttered. "I wish I could say it was!"  


"You spill stuff on me a lot." Mob said.  


"It's on accident!"  


"Okay you two." Ham laughed. "Well, if it's not here, we could always try the attic."  


"Right, yes, the attic, that sounds good. Come on Mob. Are you okay?"  


"Yes."  


Mob's senses had cleared up. There was definitely a ghost in this house.  


Ham led them through the sitting room, and Reigen tried to memorize and deduct as much of it as he could. They stopped in the hall.  


"Oh duck noise." Ham said, staring at the little pannel on the ceiling. "I'm like 2 inches tall. Why'd I have to get vault ceilings. I guess we'll be using two ladders, fellas." Ham said, excusing himself towards the garage.  


"Wait, I think I can get it." Reigen said. The attic ladder popped open and expanded down.  


An opossum came out. "Knock first, bud."  


Ham rubbed the back of his head. "Haha, sorry. Um. Surprise inspection?"  


"Tch, fine, whatever. Come on guys, landlord dude's coming up. Let's go this way." A parade of an opossum, raccoon, and two squirrels came down the stairs and down the hall.  


"Hey, Mob, you want to split up?" Reigen said. "I gotta read this guy. You can handle the ghost, right?"  


"Oh, yeah, I guess so." Mob climbed the ladder. "Wow, it's really big up here."  


Ham started down the hall, and Reigen followed him slowly. He heard something thump from above him, and followed even slower.  


Clack, clack, clack, clack.  


Mob came back down the ladder, and almost ran into Reigen.  


"Oh. Were you waiting, um, for me?" Mob said.  


"No. I knew you could handle it. I got lost."  


"Huh?" Ham poked his head back around the corner. "You guys good?"  


"We successfully ousted the ghost." Reigen said.  


"It moved on." Mob said. You do not want to know what kind of ghost puts up with squirrels living in the attic.


	2. Palm Reading

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ham gets ostensibly exactly half of a palm reading.

Ham sat on the couch and Reigen sat next to him. Mob sat in the big brooding armchair. There were marzipan pigs on the coffee table, which Ham did mention to them, and Mob did eat one, and it was pretty good.

"Oh, wait, first, I have just a regular question about you guys." Ham said.

"Sure." Reigen said, sweating probably.

"You guys think haunted dolls are funny, right? Like you talk to them and use them for medium stuff or whatever, right? Specifically dolls from 2017?"

“Huh.” Reigen said. “Do we? Ehh, probably not, I think that would be hard to pull off. What I mean is, true haunted dolls are VERY rare, the market is oversaturated with fakes, so a real one would have to be priced out. (Also I don't think Dimple would ken to haunting a doll.)”

“Okay, fair enough.”

Reigen poked at Ham's paw. “So. You have no lines on your palm, and, well, that's a good sign.”

“It means I will never die.” Ham said.

“No comment.” Reigen said. “The other good news is, since you have no webs on your fingers,”

“Hee hee hee,”

“Your love-line, which is caused by this muscle, so it's down there somewhere, can never run into anything. That's a good sign, it's probably a nice deep love line.” Reigen said. “Your head and heart lines are not so lucky.” He poked the side of Ham's paw.

“What's that mean.”

“It means you might die sometime, and it'll probably be because of your torso or your head.”

“Okay.” Ham laughed. "So kicking and punching is in, headbutting, definitely out."

“It would seem so. Was there anything specific you wanted out of this reading?”

“I dunno, just tell me stuff about myself. Oh, also, you might have to really get deep into my paw for this because it's...” Ham lowered his voice. “About love.” And he, like, looked around.

“Oh, okay.”

“How do I get through Noir's stupid crazy head?” Ham stage whispered.

“Is Noir the detective with all that goth stuff in the mudroom?” Reigen said to himself. That's crazy, dude. Reigen would have never thought that the detective was Ham's beloved. Ham was giving him big yes vibes, so he went ahead with it. “Well, it's simple really, your tall girlfriend,”

“MY WIFE.” Ham interjected.

“My wife.” Noir came in from some hallway.

“Doll wife is blessing, or curse?” Ham said.

“I love my tall doll wife.” Noir said.

Ham said, “My six foot tall double Rhea Pearlman doll wife.”

Reigen covered his face. “(FUCK. Gay couples always throw wrenches—stupid—reading—)”

Mob said, “Good joke, though.”

“Because he's human sized!” Reigen said. "Also, tall for a woman."

"Thanks." Noir said, sitting at the end of the couch.

“It's not funny if it's not true.” Ham said. “Girlfriend. Come on. I'm even dating a crane. I believe in you, you probably could have swung that, tall wife, long neck, cranes.” Ham said, delighting in heckling Reigen, putting his elbow on Noir's knee, “(I mean, I don't BELIEVE in him.)”

“Nope.” Noir said. “Hey, who's that little guy?”

“I'm the one that deals with the ghosts.” Mob said. “I'm learning from him."

“It's always the middle schoolers who run the show.” Ham said, with Noir nodding, and Mob smiled at them. Ham looked at Noir again. “Thanks for wingmanning me.”

“Hey, it takes a lot of convincing to get people to laugh at 'my wife,' it's the least I could do.” Noir said. “You guys wouldn't believe the routines he's made me learn. And all the podcasts. Lucky I don't sleep, so I knocked them out twice as fast. And consequently my psyche has taken an incredible toll.”

Ham laughed. “Hey, can we get this guy's psyche an exorcism? We have a 2 exorcism minimum.”

“Sorry I don't drink. Can I just have a Roy Rogers with diet coke? Can I have a Shirley Temple? An Arnold Palmer?”

Mob stood up. "Wow, three celebrity ghosts."

"FOUR GHOSTS?" Reigen said.

"Fore!" Ham said, going to try to hit a golf ball with his hammer, while the ghost of Arnold Palmer gave him driving tips.

Reigen continued. "That means one's free! Congratulations, what a good deal, so crazy. SUCH a good deal you guys are getting out of me."

"Not through the window, not through the window." Noir said.

"No, that's the rubber window, remember." Ham said, wiggling his hips and winding up to swing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! sorry to any ghosts mentioned just kidding theyve all passed on happily boy i hope so or reigen will have to offer a refund


End file.
